I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize