I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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