Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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