I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
