I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
