Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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