My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
