I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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