i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
