Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
