i was born a porn star she said
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
