I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
