do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
