Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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