Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
