i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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