The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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