Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
