dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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