I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
