I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
