Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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