Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ttyl tear gas
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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