Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
