Betty ford says i'm here all night
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
