The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
