i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
