There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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