Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
