I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
