I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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