"it" just moved
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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