so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
