dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
