So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
