I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
