I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
