I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
