I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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