if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize