you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
