Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
