he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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