I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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