So drunk its hurt
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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