I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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