My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
