Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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