: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
