Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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