When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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