My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I seem to have left my pride at pride
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
