So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
