...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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