awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
