I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
