Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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