You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
