Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
