So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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