well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
being pregnant is like rehab
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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