I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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