3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
