Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
