I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
