I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
