I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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