I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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