im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
