I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
