Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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