The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
